Happy Birthday, Kath. . .

Yesterday would have been my cousin Kathi’s 60th birthday. She died shy of her 50th, after an excruciating battle with cancer. The excruciating part was more the family’s battle really; my mom and her daughters were particularly devastated, her sister, and parents, of course. My sister, too. To Kathi herself, not so much. She resigned herself to her fate with a quiet dignity that was extraordinary, really. A naturally tough cookie, she softened in those last months and while she didn’t not fight, she didn’t fight so hard as to go up against God and force him to change his mind. She seemed ready to leave; to go somewhere better.

Her life was not spectacular in extravagance or hardship; she led a normal life that held love and joy, pain and disappointment. Married young with a subsequent divorce, she raised two smart girls, shared a difficult relationship with her mother, did work that she enjoyed. She cultivated trusted lifetime friendships, many with her family members—especially my mom. She had a good life. She lived comfortably and had great shoes. I really liked Kath, mostly on the days that she showed her wry wit and wicked intelligence.

However, my mom adored her. They were trusted confidants and had an almost telepathic connection. Only ten years apart, they were more like sisters than niece and aunt and closer than any of the many pairs of sisters our family has bred. Especially her and her own sister, Kathi’s mother. I am happy that they shared that special bond. I have girlfriends like that and I know how much Mom missed her as she brought her flowers to remember her.

As I think of all the events where we have missed Kathi here on Earth, I am certain she hasn’t missed a thing. She is above watching as babies are born, kids grow up and the people she loves move into new homes and new lives. She has seen her all of her grandchildren come into the world. She has sat across from my mom in her new place to have a cup of coffee. . . and she will dance at Missy’s wedding after kicking off a fabulous pair of shoes.

The Stuff of Life…

Stretching across the wide span of my King size bed, I place the final decorative pillow in the center and stand back admiringly, thinking, “As beautiful as you are, you are way too big to take with me let alone sleep in alone, aren’t you?” Yes, it answers; it’s height and width just too much space for single me. I feel swallowed up in it, and a little lost. I decide that this is one of the things I will have to let go of when I move back to the coast.

I have been doing that a lot lately—walking through the rooms of my house asking each piece of furniture, “Do I really want to take you with me?” Asking each piece of art, “Am I really in love with you?” Quizzing each tshotshke and pillow, “Do I really need you in my life? Are you worth carrying across the country with me?”

I know, it’s a bit over the top. But this is my stuff. As I contemplate moving my whole life Very Far Away, I am forced to assess the value of every thing I own. There is a lot of it. How did I accumulate so much stuff? It isn’t like I am a hoarder or anything, but I have a lot of things. Many of the walls and surfaces of my home are covered with the vast array of objects de’Art I have collected over nearly a half century of wandering around the world. Lovely prints, sculpture, candles, frames and pillows grace my home, providing color and texture, surrounding me with the familiarity of dear friends.

These precious treasures of sensuality satisfy and sooth me. Throws of soft knitted cotton warm me on a winter’s night while the luscious scent of a fragrant citrus candle calms me. On a Spring day the breeze carries on it the soft song of the wind chimes I brought back from South Carolina and if I am lucky and the sun is shining, the crystal prism hanging in the bay window paints a bold splash of color across my walls.

Yes, my stuff brings me such pleasure…and meaning.

Bowls of seashells and coral are present in nearly every room reminding me of my deep connection to the ocean. The bright, smiling faces of those I love are captured in beautiful frames and remind of the special moments that we have shared—moments that really mattered. My many journals of various sizes and colors are scattered around the house holding between their covers my deepest wishes and fears. Trusted confidants, they speak my language and capture my life as it unfolds—remembering who I was, and who I am, in case I forget. In the night, my soft elegant sheets hug me while I dream of who I will be.

Yes, I love my stuff.

But I can’t take it all with me. I want to travel lighter on my journey, feel freer. I need to choose what I will take and what I will leave behind. So much of my stuff can now move on and belong to someone else, bringing beauty to their home and their lives.

As I downsize my home, I will upsize my life.

Traveling lighter will leave more room for me to gather other stuff that I really want: experience, adventure and joy. I want to fill the cupboards of my life with knowledge, compassion and love. Fill the blank pages of my books with truth, wisdom and insight. Fill the hearts of others with hope, passion and commitment.

Yes, that is the Stuff of Life that I want most.

I turn around and notice the dusty fake ficus that stands in the corner of my bedroom. It will be left behind so that there will be space in my new room for the muses to dance around me as I sleep. I think I will get a small, living plant for my nightstand.

And a bed fit for a Queen.

Tripping

When my son, Zac, was little, his toys would inevitably land in the hall outside his playroom door. I would sometimes wake in the night, or early morning, and stumble blurry-eyed through that hall to the bathroom. “Shit,” I would mumble as I tripped on a car or truck and I would keep lurching forward over it.

This is how I feel now.

As I make my plans to transport my life back to the coast, I constantly trip on Zac’s stuff on my way to my destination. “Shit,” I mumble as I trip over where he wants to go, what he wants to do after graduation.  In my head I have a little rant going on that says, “I have told him a thousand times that he needs to take care of his stuff…” Only this time I can’t just bend down and pick up the offending objects or even kick them out of the way.  This time I can’t make him move his stuff.  I have to leave it where is and keep moving onward around it …or let it stop me in my tracks, losing momentum towards my destination.

It would be an easy excuse to use Zac as a reason not to move to California “right now.” I have been having moments of indecision about timing that sting like the unexpected impact of toes against Tonka. Ouch. Shit. Surprised that it hurt that much, I jump around for a moment, then I’m fine.

Thank God nothing’s broken.

My plan is still in one piece.

MidLife Women ROCK! workshop goes to Sacramento!

Hey ladies of NoCal…head to Sacramento on October 25 for an afternoon that rocks!  Check out workshop details below and register at www.midlifeowmenrock.com

MidLife Women ROCK! workshop August 1st in Chicago!

MidLife Women ROCK!

A transformational workshop

…your backstage pass to rock your 40′s and beyond

August 1, 2009
2 – 6pm

Midlife…never before has there been so much information and discussion about this fascinating, frustrating, liberating time in women’s lives. Let’s learn how not to fear aging but instead embrace the vibrant years ahead.

Join Lisa Dalton, The Rock Your Life Coach, for an afternoon of self discovery, celebration and connection with other women who want to rock this amazing time of possibilities and self acceptance. Come and have a blast with a very cool room full of awesome women while you embrace your Inner Rock Star and let her shine!

During our time together, we will…

* Break though stereotypes of ‘older women’ and define who you really want to be
* Explore your creative side and meaningful ways to express it
* Celebrate how far you have come in your life and acknowledge your journey
* Discover how the changes we experience over 40 can be incredibly liberating
* Learn how to create more confidence and trust in yourself through the choices you make
* Share information and resources about easing the physical changes midlife brings

CATALYST RANCH
636 W. Randolph Street
Chicago, IL 60661

$49 Seating is limited! To register call 708-306-4645 or visit www.midlifewomenrock.com

As a teenager, Lisa dreamed of touring the world with rock stars. In her 20′s she did it. In her 40′s she found her calling in finding the rock star in others. She brings to her coaching diverse life experiences, wisdom and personal growth enthusiasm to inspire and guide others as they create the dynamic success they want. Cited as among the “very best coaches in North America”, Lisa has facilitated lasting dynamic change for hundreds of people seeking to pursue creative passions, launch their own businesses, develop and maintain healthy relationships and create the life they want in the life they have. Lisa is a Professional Certified Coach (and Master Certified Coach candidate) with the International Coach Federation. She is co-author of A Guide To Getting It: Purpose & Passion and a featured contributor to Water Cooler Diaries: Women Across America Share Their Day at Work.

So shocking…yet not surprising. Goodbye Michael.

Michael & Me       Backstage at Janet’s concert 1990

I met Michael Jackson nearly 20 years ago.  I was on the production team for his sister Janet’s Rhythm Nation tour and we were in L.A.  Most of her brothers had already visited her on the road and I was excited that Michael would be there and I hoped to meet him.  My boss Benny had worked with him and assured me that he would hook me up.  I was so excited.  I had met many celebrities, but this was Michael Jackson.  What I remember most was his voice, soft and lilting, like a child’s.  He was gracious and our meeting was mere moments, though I was struck by his presence.  Otherworldly, really.  I had joined in the mania that was Michael’s heyday… playing Thriller again and again…watching him win all those Grammy’s that year.  I even remember writing in my journal how much I loved him & his music.  I was a fan.

And now he is gone.

So much happened in his life since that day.  He had already begun to change his look, dark days were right around the corner…many miseries.  I remember in 1992 being grateful that I was pregnant and didn’t end up working on his tour as anticipated.  It ended abruptly, ugly.  Yet he went on to have what  seemed to have been his greatest joy – his kids in his life.  My heart goes out to them and the rest of Michael’s family.  To Janet, who I know must be devastated.

It is unfathomable.  And yet, it is not surprising that he will not grow old.  Like so many extreme talents before him, he was destined to walk this Earth for a time and leave suddenly.  With some of his music left in him.  And yet, he gave us so much of it.

Goodbye Michael.  Rest in peace knowing your true gift as an artist is what some of us will remember most.

We are the Champions…indeed

What a finish. There is truth in justice and justice in truth. The truth is…I wanted Kris Allen to win.   I feel justified and it feels like they are both winners.  In my infinite weirdness I voted for them both last night…then again for Adam because he deserves to win, as Kris so graciously (in true shock) stated. Adam is a freakin’ rock star. Extraordinaire. He deserved to win.  He is already a superstar.

Then there is Kris. The artist. The quiet genius. Whose album I cannot wait to buy.

And here is the thing…I would go see Adam in concert in a half a heartbeat. Even my Mom (and I’m middle aged) voted for Adam. As a music lover from way, way back I know a rock star when I hear one. Adam is all over it. But there is more than one way to be a Rock Star.   There are over the top in-your-face screamers…pitch perfect at 10db, and then there is the simple brilliance… a clear, pure voice that reaches deep inside with its aching truth.

I could listen to Kris all day long. He is so incredibly….listenable. On a recent walk I had them both pumping in my ears. Kris’ “Man in the Mirror” moved me along at a happy clip…he really moved me. When Adam came through with Mad World…it stopped me in my tracks. His high notes unsettling and almost disturbing without his profound performance….without the smoke, lights and his phenomenal face. Without the drama it is just a great rock singer. Did I mention great? Adam is great. But a little over the top without the visual.

But Kris. He is just as great. And he is the new American Idol. You deserve this, Kris. You do.  You are a rock star.

I believe in Freedom of Speech…hipocracy, not so much

There has been lots of (ridiculous) controversy about the current Ms. California USA, Carrie Prejean, and her pageant answers. Then came the provocative photos, the talk about whether the pageant paid for her boob job and a big decision by The Donald about whether she keeps her crown (he said yes, BTW) Really, who cares and why is this important?

It really isn’t. Yet, while I agree that this woman is entitled to her opinion and has a right to voice it, that if she wants to spew about how she believes that gay marriage is anti-Christian and that she believes that God created only men & women to marry, thats fine, that is her belief, I am wondering if she believes that God would want her to artificially enhance the body He gave her so that she could win contests for her beauty.

It is not her right to free speech that bothers me about this story – I am a huge fan of the first amendment and believe she can say whatever she wants – it is that she uses her religious beliefs to condemn the ideals of others in the name of God while messing with what the good Lord gave her for her own vanity.

What would her Sunday school teacher say about that?

Don’t Hold Your Breath…

While we are all collectively holding our breath waiting for something to ‘happen’ we need to remember that to inspire is to breathe…so take a breath, relax, and trust there is something good in this uncertain time for you.  Look for ways to make positive changes in your life.  We are being more frugal at home and it is actually making us more green, too (how cool is that?) by saving energy, reusing, recycling and being more mindful of waste of resources and money. I am taking classes on group coaching to widen my net of people that I can inspire – while saving them money by sharing their coaching time (and investment) with others. I am appreciating what we have instead of focusing on having more. Taking action instead of letting fear paralyze us is what will help us all feel more in control and hopeful. Let this time take your breath away instead of knocking the wind out of you.

The tour begins…

We are all on the road in this journey called life…where do you want yours to lead to?

Nearly twenty years ago I went around the world on a rock tour.  This was the realization of a life long dream… I was going on the road.  As with most big things I did, that day I set off to L.A. I was excited, scared and sure that I was in over my head.  As it turned out I kinda was, but that was fine because I had enthusiasm, smarts and a passion for what I was doing.  I knew that everything else could be learned (and faked till you do…except, of course, brain surgery and stuff like that) if you bring your heart and soul to your endeavor.

Fast forward to 2009 and here I am reinventing myself again.  Not from scratch as I have been known to do, but from a place of incorporating all those Me’s that have come before.  This time I am not scared, but filled with delicious anticipation.  As the Go Deep Coach, I set sail on my Inner Sea journey and it took me to depths I could have never anticipated.  Yet it lacked a certain energy that I have been told I need to express.  “Your remarkableness isn’t even there!”, an extraordinary client told me, who really knows marketing, pointing out that I didn’t share that I was a kick ass business coach at all on my old site.  Well, no, because I set out to be a life coach in the beginning, years ago when I raised those sails and watched the shore disappear behind me.  Before I started coaching entrepreneurs and solopreneurs and loved guiding them while they built their incredible businesses.  Oh, and I found out that I was really good at that.  “You are a rock star!”, a dear coach friend told me.  And she is an expert at discovering a person’s unique brand.

So I listened to them.  And The Rock Your Life Coach™ was born.   Taking all the experience from the road I have traveled in my life and in my practice as a coach, I hope to deliver what you need to live the life you want.  I am hoping that you will find something on my new website that speaks to your inner rock star.

As with a rock show, my new website has been through dress rehearsals for many weeks.  It’s finally time to take this show on the road.  So without further ado, I introduce to you…your rock star coach…

Lisa Dalton, The Rock Your Life Coach™  www.therockyourlifecoach.com

Rock on with passion,

Lisa

PS  The beginning of a tour can be a bit wobbly but the exhileration of new beginnings is awesome.  I welcome your reviews!  Stay tuned for more thoughts from “the road”…